8 months ago, I was 1 month pregnant. Trillian and I were celebrating an anniversary and getting ready to travel to see your parents, whom we immediately informed about the pregnancy.
7 months ago, I lost that pregnancy. The baby I was pretty sure was a girl. The little girl who would have been due October 19th.
That date has been looming for me and today it has been a monolith.
I knew it would be hard, that I wouldn't just forget. For a short while, I thought I would have something to soften the day a bit, but I lost that pregnancy too.
I know that had I carried this pregnancy to term, things would be very different for us right now. I would have already finished the first part of my comps (out of necessity--plus I might have done more work if I hadn't been so distracted), but would be putting my seminar on hold until the spring. We wouldn't be moving to Springfield in two months. And we'd be chomping at the bit to get out of here.
But I'm still dealing with the uncertainty--and it eats at me to be no closer to knowing when and if this will ever happen for me, for us.