Renegade inseminator

Or, the lies I told, trying to get knocked up

When I called my old OB/GYN office on Monday to make sure I had everything I needed for my special visit, I ended up canceling my appointment. Turns out they decided I needed a consultation and pap smear at their office before they'd do the insemination. Never mind that I've had a pap smear recently (perfectly fine) and could give them the records.

Nearly in tears, I called my wife. And therein was hatched a plot. Did I really need the doctor? I already had the plane tickets, was planning on meeting up with some former colleagues who are dear friends. Not that I expect that this is the time, but I was really invested in trying this month.

So I called the sperm bank to tell them I'd be picking up a vial. Was I still using Dr. F.? Lie #1: Yes. Here I'm relying on the fact that the clinic generally doesn't communicate with the doctor if everything runs smoothly.

I showed up early to pick up the cannister, since I wanted to get things taken care of as soon as possible. Lie #2: I wrote Dr. F.'s name in the pick-up log.

Took care of business back at the hotel, took the cannister back, headed in to see my friends at my old school. Lie #3 (told many, many times--and less an outright lie than a stretching of the truth and lie by omission): Answer to "What brings you here?": "Some doctor stuff. I haven't transferred everything up to Canada and it was just easier to make the visit down now and get it all shifted during the year."

And is it a lie not to declare the few hundred dollars' worth of "Pop" that traveled back with me?