Sunday, August 26, 2007


I do not cope well with uncertainty. My mind fragments itself, traveling down the various paths of 'what if' until I'm stretched wide and thin. Nearly to breaking.

Our house search is predicated on a series of these potentials and we are proceeding on a number of gambles. Hold out for that extra bedroom for that child we may or may not have, who may or may not be able to share with Scooter. Insist on a single-level layout, or no more than two levels, so that it will be accessible for Grandma, when it's possible, even likely, that most of the visits will be to their house. Look only at Springfield, not at Capital City, because of the services available for autistic children, services Scooter may or may not qualify for, may or may not need. (On the other hand, we have (almost) firmly ruled out Capital City, even knowing that their charter schools are performing very well, because what if they didn't have space for Scooter, what if they couldn't provide the support he needed, how would we find an affordable home in a safe elementary school district since the charter schools are only for middle and high school.) Stay at our current range, hoping to talk people down a bit on price, rather than find out just how much more the bank would pre-approve for our mortgage; make decisions now instead of when we know whether or not I'll get the job I'm applying for, a job that would add another very large amount to our buying power.

We don't have to make decisions yet. We don't have to make decisions during this trip. We can wait, see how much lower prices sink on their own, see what new houses come on the market, make a few more trips to visit Grandma and Grandpa, who will faithfully watch Scooter as we head up to Springfield yet again. There is nothing wrong with this. We can even wait until we're ready to move, put our stuff into storage, stay with Grandma and Grandpa, figure it out then.

But I don't deal well with uncertainty. And I fear my holes are beginning to show.


Suz said...

Oh...I'm horrible with uncertainty and with change as well. Buying a home is a haven for these things. I wish you the best and hope that the answers reveal themselves, sooner rather than later.

Aliki2006 said...

I don't deal well with it, either. And I completely sympathize with you--so many unknowns, so many worries.

crazymumma said...

sweet mary mother of....uncertainty sucks

I want to sit on you to slow you down.

Your last two posts have my head reeling and I can only imagine the tossing and turning YOU are doing.

On your behalf I will take some deep breaths and take some Rescue Remedy.....

you will know when you see it. I have a deep faith in that. somehow it all plays out the way it should.

Lisa b said...

I am the same way. I like to prepare. I like to try to prepare even when I know I cannot.
I agree with Crazymumma, it will all work out. It seems trite but I find it is always true.

Naomi (Urban Mummy) said...

I'm with Lisa & Crazymummy - it will work out.

But I do understand anxiety with uncertainty. I've been that way my entire life. I get it.

cinnamon gurl said...

Oh I don't deal well with it either. That's why I'm having breakdowns... the daily grind is challenging, but more than that it's not knowing where we'll be living in December or next April.

On the house hunt though, I say don't compromise. At least not yet. I bet you'll find everything you want and then some in whatever price range you end up choosing.

Fingers crossed for you on that job. We had a job like that that Sugar D applied for when he got downsized but they didn't do anything about it. I just discovered yesterday they reposted it, which has me feeling a bit discouraged.

kittenpie said...

God, do I ever hear you. I hate not having a plan and a list. And home buying is really a rollercoaster. So hard not to hang your hopes on something and then feel really let down.