1) Why must my son immediately shuck his pants upon taking a crap, leaving them in whatever room he happens to be standing?
2) Why can't he do this in the bathroom?
3) Regardless of where the pants come off, why can't he then inform one of his mothers that he needs to be wiped?
4) Where did he get the idea that the best thing to do with the poop is to dump it on the carpet?
5) And then roll a truck or train through it?
6) Did Trevor* then really need to travel around all of the track on the Island of Sodor?
7) Why is Spencer's* face the only part of him covered in shit?
8) And seriously, what has this child eaten that resulted in three spectacular dumps in the span of 4 hours?
* Both Trevor and Spencer are wooden trains from the Thomas the Tank Engine set.