Wednesday, July 02, 2008

It sounded good for a while

A department email today informed me that there's an opening for an instructor position this fall. In the language I love most and taught for several years. By union rules, they'd pretty much have to give it to me if I express an interest.

Trillian and I have discussed such a scenario before, the idea that I might go off to teach for a semester or a year before I finish my doctorate. Mostly, we've been thinking about down the line, possibly for an ABD position in a couple years, possibly with child #2 in tow, Scooter staying here.

Heading back to Toronto for the fall is attractive. I'll need to make two trips that semester anyway, once for the library, once to take my last set of exams. And given how much I dislike Cid, Trillian has made the suggestion that we send me back so that I can go to the clinic in Buffalo. The pay for the position would just about cover housing, food, and travel during that time--which would actually put us ahead compared to the two trips I'd be making otherwise.

And so I spent a few hours this afternoon imagining how I might accomplish this.

But...


Regardless of Trillian's insistence that she could manage for the four months and the convenience it would provide for my studies, I don't know that it's the way I'll go. Besides the fact that I would miss them, I don't know that it's fair to leave Trillian to deal with the daily minutiae of Scooter's days for that long. And there are a few other niggling concerns, since I won't know until after the application deadline what treatments I'll be pursuing, fertility- and otherwise. Or what if I got pregnant in the first month and would then have to split my obstetric care across two countries?

The winning argument against pursuing the position came at the end of bath-time. As I wrapped Scooter in his towel, he told me that he loved me and was so glad I moved with them from Toronto to Springfield. There is very little of the conversation he would have heard--most of it was conducted via instant message--so this little remark gripped my heart just a little tighter. And how can I stray from home when he holds my heart here?

3 comments:

kgirl said...

There are always opportunities. Do what your heart tells you.

Aliki2006 said...

I would agree--trust your heart, things have a way of working out.

Mad said...

As much as the job sounds tempting, I know that I wouldn't be able to leave my kid for that long--even with visits budgeted into the schedule. You're going to have enough stress on your hands with TTC as it is.