I am in the midst of papers and exams (2 each, unless I count the one exam I will not be studying for--it's based on unseen material--and the one I'll be grading soon). I have not budgeted my time well. What's new? I'm slightly panicked about getting everything done by their various deadlines. What's new? I fully recognize that it all will get done, one way or another, for better or worse. What's new?
I also find myself marking time. Today I would be one week into my second trimester. I would have told the rest of my family, people in my department, strangers on the street. But that's an alternate history that ceased to be not quite 5 weeks ago.
Instead, I am bleeding. Again. My body, apparently still a fertility machine, is back on track. I was able to pinpoint ovulation a couple weeks ago and am back to a regular cycle.
A part of me is impatient, unable to wait until August, wanting to jump back on the TTC wagon next week. Another part knows that I should take the next few months to get my body back in shape, focus on my work and teaching this summer, time the pregnancy so it won't conflict with next year's class. The first part responds, "How fucking practical of you!"
But I will let the second part rule for a while and head back to paper #1.