Marriage limbo

Trillian grows impatient with the move of legislation in our new state. She suggested the other day that we should go get married in Massachusetts and then try to force the issue in terms of the full faith and credit clause.

But there are problems with her idea, as well as problems with the solutions, that illustrate the bizarre limbo our relationship currently occupies.

Generally, foreign marriages are recognized by the US--usually without any sort of registry or other official domestic document; you just have to be able to produce the foreign marriage certificate. States are not, however (or at least I think), required to recognize foreign marriages that would not be legal in that state. So we can't use our Canadian marriage as the basis of any action in our state.

We can't just run away to Massachusetts, get married there, and then return here, legal case in hand. See, Massachusetts does recognize our Canadian marriage, so we can't perform another marriage there. It would be redundant.

Then there's the fact that such a case can generally be brought only when the couple has experienced some sort of problem that would have been avoided if their legal relationship had been recognized. Most of the time, this coincides with a catastrophe or, at the very least, a particularly stressful time. Things like hospital stays, inheritance rights, survivorship benefits--the very things I hope to avoid for some time to come. Even then, we might not be the ideal test case since we have a number of legal documents that deal with a wide variety of such scenarios.

And so we will remain as we are, married some places, not in others, in need of an elaborate map to keep track of it all.

(This is post 2 for Freedom to Marry Week.)

Another Freedom to Marry Week

It's Freedom to Marry Week again.

Somehow it has crept up on me again, despite the fact that it's proximity to Valentine's Day and my anniversary should make it easy to remember. Yet Dana's post at Mombian was the first I thought of it.

The theme this year is "7 Conversations in 7 Days." Each day has its own suggested action. Not all of them will work for me, but I'm going to try to follow along in the spirit, doing what I can in this space on most days. Maybe on the other days, I'll post recipes over at The Mouse's Kitchen from the meals we'll be having for Valentine's Day and our anniversary. Two of the planned items are truffles and creme brulee!

Anyway, here are the days and the suggested actions, along with what I'm planning:

• Sunday, February 8th: YouTube Challenge

Not exactly my cup of tea, so I'm giving you this instead. (Seriously, I rarely watch anything on YouTube since I have this thing against watching video on my computer. It's hard to explain, and I do make exceptions. But I definitely don't post anything there.)

• Monday, February 9th: Make Your Voice Heard

Online action: a blog, vlog, comment, Facebook status, or picture. I'll try for my usual, annual post here, and post a link and/or status at Facebook.

• Tuesday, February 10th: Email for Equality

There's an online marriage resolution. I've already signed it, but I'll post a reminder here on Tuesday. I'll also be posting a link at my family and autism site. (Rather than emailing people in my address book, since I'll reach just about the same number of people this way and in a less chain-lettery way.)

• Wednesday, February 11th: Button Up for Equality

This may be a food post day since I'll already be adding the button to other posts.

• Thursday, February 12th: Face to Face Equality

There are supposed to be events for Freedom to Marry Week. I'm not aware of any in my area, and I've already done my fair share of conversing. Probably another food post day.

• Friday, February 13th: Txt 4 Equality

I neither text nor tweet, so this has all the appeal of the YouTube day. But maybe I'll make an effort to check out the conversation on Twitter on Friday and bring you a few of my favorite tweets.

• Saturday, February 14th: Get Local With It

I've been a letter-writing machine recently, especially with the domestic partnerships in the local politics here. So I think I'll hold off for a bit on new letters. But I will share a post on what my experience has been and a few of the (mostly pleasant) surprises.

And in the meantime, I'm working on a few other posts for when we return to regular programming.

Again, I really need a cameraphone

Headed to the grocery store and stopped at a light, I really wished I had a cameraphone so that I could snap a picture of the car in front of me. On the bumper, the following, left to right:

• Palin 2012
• McCain Palin
• Don't Blame Me, I Voted McCain

and, the best of the bunch

• Sarah!

I think that last one should be said with jazz hands.

On the scent of the trail

A month or two ago, I had decided that I would give up on the quest for the source of my health woes and just focus on eating a diet that's better for me (specifically, as in low-carb, lots of protein and veggies) and dividing my workouts between general cardio and ballet. The only new doctor I would see was the fertility specialist in Big City--the other one, not CID. (By the way, saw his nurse, set up a few things, really liked her and am feeling much more happy with that clinic... more on that later.)

Then I fainted. And my primary-care physician, with whom I dutifully scheduled an appointment since this scared the crap out of Trillian, started mapping out a list of new tests I should have. For once, not blood tests, but various monitors and consultations.

But this visit also gave me some new vocabulary, so I started poking around on the internet--big surprise. And this time I really do think I have a big lead, although I'm not going into it right now since I've been wrong at least a couple times before.

(To my credit, both my PCP and endocrinologist always say at some point during my appointment, "Wait, what were your thyroid levels?" They then flip through my labs, find the most recent values, and furrow their brows when they realize that the numbers are normal, have actually improved.)

What I found this time would explain why my blood tests don't show anything. It would explain the symptoms that led to a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. It would explain why there are other symptoms that any doctor who brings up fibromyalgia tries to ignore. (My favorite is that my hands and feet fall asleep very easily. No physical/anatomical explanation can be found, so I'm told it's not life-threatening, so don't worry. Never mind the quality-of-life issues.) It would explain why I can experience bradycardia and tachycardia in a five-minute span. It would explain just about everything, maybe even the hair loss and stress rash.

It's not all rosy, as there is little likelihood I would ever be completely free of symtoms and I wouldn't be able to take most of the suggested medications while trying to get pregnant, but there are other, non-drug interventions that are fairly straight-forward and would probably be no big deal after a period of vigilance (sort of like this wheat-free thing--which would appear to have been a good meal, based on what I've been reading).

I called my PCP earlier today, leaving a message asking her to take a look at this. She's the kind of doctor who will likely look it up and happily refer me for the specific test I need (although the other stuff she's sending me for is not bad to have overall, including a sleep study to check for apnea, which can also be related). I imagine it will be a few weeks before I can get in to see everyone on the list, but I'm currently hoping I'll have some answers in a month's time.

At this rate, I should manage to get lunch around dinnertime

I have only gotten to coffee a little before 10:30 this morning. My breakfast--a hearty oatmeal--is cooking on the stove.

I blame some of this on the internet's ability to suck me in. I really need to develop the willpower to limit myself to a quick check of a short list of items in the morning, but it never quite works out that way.

Did you know that low blood pressure and heart rate can cause lack of concentration?

Anyway, what kept me away from food and coffee the longest this morning was an attempt to make a couple of the appointments my primary care physician wants for me.

The first is with a cardiology center for a 24-hour blood pressure monitor. That part wasn't too hard. But as the receptionist took my information, she remarked that she doesn't really know my insurance, so I should check with them to see if it's covered or if I would need prior authorization. I decided to heed her advice, even though I knew we'd pay out-of-pocket regardless. (Trillian is quite a bit more scared by the whole fainting thing, but I'm determined to follow this rabbit hole to the end since, if I can figure this out, I will likely have some answers about problems I've had for as long as I can remember--way back into childhood.)

I hate dealing with our insurance. They're bad about covering Scooter's visits to the pediatrician, even though that clinic is in our network, and they have also required a written explanation of his "custody situation," withholding any payment of outstanding claims in the meantime. And of course they have one of those automated phone systems, a maze of options, that attempts to take verbal cues, but has to verify them and still gets your words wrong.

Today, I had to listen to a ton of general information about my benefits as I attempted to find out about this one, very specific, item. At one point, I ended up in a menu about doctor's office visits. Did I want to hear about benefits for in-network doctors, out-of-network doctors, or both? I knew that it would spout a lot of general information at me, regardless of my choice, so I tried to get out of the menu. 'Previous menu' just repeated the current one; 'Help' gave me a definition of in-network, etc; a frustrated 'No" got "Did you say both?"; 'Go back' finally got me to a human, because "I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time understanding you." Finally found out this should be covered.

Then I tried to track down an ear, nose, and throat doctor. "Has anyone ever sent you to an ENT?" my doctor asked when I mentioned, matter-of-factly, that I've had these dizzy spells ('near syncope') my entire life. Um, no... it was always treated as something I had to deal with due to low blood pressure. Nobody ever went any further with it.

So I now go to my insurance's website to look up otolaryngologists in my area. Only thing is, I can't find it under 'Other specialties,' even though the help link I click on seems to suggest they have that category. I finally find it under 'surgery.' Which brings up the panic of "Oh crap, what if they have to cut on me?!" The guy in town is in fact on my insurance; he even shares an office in Capital City with the guy my doctor usually uses. I then call the otolaryngologist in town, only to have a fax machine pick it up. I check the number again and dial carefully, just in case I read the wrong line the first time. Nope, definitely the fax.

That's when I decided to make breakfast and have some coffee. I'll deal with otolaryngologist (I like that word) later.

If I can remember... this concentration thing is a bitch!

In the kitchen: shrimp

Go read about my favorite way to prepare shrimp. I don't have pictures, as this is a long-time go-to recipe. I didn't get to it tonight, but will be making it tomorrow.

Low pressure front

For my entire life, I have had dizzy spells. They primarily hit me when I stand up, though not at once. I take a few steps, sometimes go twenty feet or so, and then I can feel it coming. My ears start to buzz and dots creep in around the sides of my eyes. I learned early on that the best thing I can do once it starts is to grab onto something and stay very still until it passes. If I'm not close to any support, I can usually wait it out if I don't move at all.

Stress can make the dizzy spells worse, bringing them on when I haven't changed levels. That's when I know it's time to find some quiet time.

The last time I fainted, I was about 14. I got up out of bed and started over to my closet when it hit. I had enough time to move just a bit closer to my bed and to half-lower-myself/half-fall onto the mattress. Things went dark for just a few seconds.

The last time I fainted, at least, until this week. Several nights ago, I wasn't sleeping well anyway, and then Zee started to get into some dishes. I got out of bed in order to see what he was doing, but only got as far as my dresser before the dots started. My sight went completely as I gripped the dresser, and then my knees started to buckle. Sheer will, and little else, kept me upright.

And then a couple mornings ago, I was enjoying family time in bed. I'd already gotten up a couple times, so I thought nothing of getting up again and heading to the bathroom. I got to the vanity when it started. Again, my sight was gone as I grabbed the vanity. But it didn't pass.

Next thing I knew, I was on the floor, my feet scrabbling to gain purchase again. Trillian was there within a second or two. I would say that I just sort of slid to the floor, but Trillian says it was the thud that brought her in.

Now I tend towards lowish blood pressure anyway and have long recognized this as responsible for the worst of my dizziness. Since gaining weight and having Scooter, it's been closer to normal/low-normal, so the recent severity of my dizzy spells has been worrisome.

When we got to my in-laws', I borrowed a blood pressure cuff and discovered that it was about 10 points lower (both systolic and diastolic) than the last time I had it measured. Which doesn't surprise me all that much since I get involuntarily tense anytime a professional takes my blood pressure. The lowest reading came in the morning, before I'd even sat up: 88/58, which is officially low. My pulse, too, has been sitting around 60, sometimes lower, which is what one might expect to see with an elite athlete. (Hint: I am not an elite athlete.)

So, on the off chance, I started googling the various supplements I am taking--suggested by my endocrinologist in order to fight my low-level, chronic inflammation--along with low blood pressure. Turns out that in general anything that will fight inflammation will also lower blood pressure. Omega-3s and boswellia both have a mild impact on blood pressure. The main culprit, however, appears to be the magnesium I am taking, not directly for inflammation, but to improve neural and muscular functioning. It calms down misfires and improves the efficiency of many biochemical reactions throughout the body. That first part... that's why it can be so powerful in lowering blood pressure. It is frequently used for treating pre-eclampsia.

I'll be trying to get into the doctor tomorrow--somehow the whole fainting thing has convinced Trillian I should. Not sure if I'll get any closer to an answer. But in the meantime, I've stopped taking the magnesium and boswellia and have cut the Omega-3s back to a regular dose. It would be nice to stay upright tomorrow morning.