Monday, October 13, 2008

Conservation of panic

A body in rest tends to stay at rest. A body in motion tends to stay in motion.

A body panicking over a long to-do list tends to run around in a panic and accomplish nothing.

And now I've left those sentences up there for about ten minutes and come up with nothing else to write.

Some of the panic is brought on simply by being in Toronto for Official Graduate School Business, i.e. my yearly committee meeting, as required now that I am out of coursework. I'm supposed to make it sound like I've done some work, when mostly I've been dealing with home stuff--Scooter's school, my health, lots of cooking (in order to meet Scooter's and my dietary needs). I keep volunteering for activities at Scooter's school. And when I'm not actively doing outside things, I manage to find something to read on the internet.

I remain in a holding pattern in many aspects of my life. More blood tests have been sent off, and so I'm waiting to see if they yield anything new, if the acupuncture has helped my systems, if I'm any closer to trying to get pregnant again. We're waiting for the written report from Scooter's evaluation to see if it will be worded in such a way that we will be able to get him the speech services they recommended from the school or if we'll be tracking down private services again (likely 1-2 hours away, as we already know these services don't exist outside of the schools in Springfield). I'm waiting to see if a part-time job comes through from SLAC (small liberal arts college) in Capital City for the second semester.

I don't do well with uncertainty--not a surprise for those who've read me for any length of time. And so my mind is roiling non-stop. And I just need it to shut up long enough that I can wade through some Latin and dense English on that Latin. Just enough that I can convince my committee I've learned a little something in the last 5 months.

1 comment:

Team Serrins Springfield said...

I hate feeling like that so you have my sympathy. Eek.