This is the month I decided to take back some control over my health, to search for answers, to gain power through knowledge.
I feel empowered... and like a pin cushion.
At this moment, I am sporting a nasty-looking bruise in the crook of my left elbow, courtesy of the blood draw from my brief exam for updating my life insurance (completed by some random tech the insurance company sent to my house). This is somewhat balanced by the brand-new pin prick in the crook of my right elbow--I got my favorite lab tech again. (What does it say that I have a favorite lab tech?) On my left upper arm is a band-aid covering the injection site of my tetanus booster. (-Have you had a tetanus shot in the last ten years? -Ten? No. Twenty? Just barely. Maybe I should get that.) On my right upper arm is a band-aid covering the injection site of my B12 shot. (Still tired? Let's see if this will help.)
On the plus side, all of my previous bloodwork came back with good news. Decent cholesterol (as usual, great HDL, OK LDL, great ratio), no signs of celiac disease (though a sensitivity is still likely), no thyroid anti-bodies, nothing that would indicate an immune problem or rheumatoid arthritis or excess inflammation. Mammogram and colonoscopy scheduled for the near future, both due to family history, rather than any expected problem. I should have a good idea of where everything stands by the middle of April.
This has been a healing process for me too. I have spent much of the time since my miscarriages feeling disconnected from my physical body. Not that I have been an amazing physical specimen for a good number of years, but I have almost always felt like I really knew my body. And it had never let me down like this before.
But between the examinations and increasing amounts of exercise and a return to Rolfing (which deserves a post unto itself), I'm starting to inhabit my body again, to feel the connections, to trust that I know it. I still do not have the certainty of a name that I sought, but recovering the sense of comfort in my own skin relieves another bit of the fear and gives me the confidence to move forward.