I read a statistic at some point (don't remember when, where, or exactly in what context--obviously not in research mode at the time) that only 10% of women think about s@x* more than once a week. As with so much of statistics, this number raises more questions than it answers. The article claimed that it makes sense women would think about this so little since testosterone is the primary hormone responsible for arousal and women have 10% of the testosterone of men. I remember wondering about what research went into the statistic back when I read it.
And when this number floated across my brain earlier, I also began to wonder how such an interview was conducted and what qualified as "thinking about s@x." Fantasizing about the act? Admiring a partner's physical features? Deciding you'd be up for some action tonight? Bemoaning the fact that your partner will certainly be interested when you're exhausted?
And is this an average? Or was the number arrived at in some other manner?
So why was this floating through my head, you may be wondering. I'll answer as best as I can without getting too personal (the title of the post, after all, is "Getting a little personal").
I've mentioned the charting of my fertility signals before and the fact that I'm pretty in tune with my body. Besides the changes I've discussed before, one surefire sign that I'm ramping up to peak fertility is a surge in my libido. And so, as I find myself heading to that point in the first cycle of my two-month break, I am not charting my fertility with the same compulsion as before, yet I still can't help but notice that's where I'm headed.
And if the statistic I quoted above is at all true, I must rate somewhere around "h@rny teenaged boy" for at least one week a month.
I'd imagine that still qualifies as TMI, but there you have it.
*Seriously, not a prude. Just trying to avoid some unwanted search attention.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
In a quan-tree
Upon reading Mother Bumper's post--over at Mommy Blogs Toronto--about trying to live a greener life, I was reminded of the recent environmental angst that has been plaguing me of late. I haven't talked much about my green leanings, but it is actually an issue that is very important to me. And as we enter the holiday season, the perennial question comes to mind: What should we do about a Christmas tree?
In the early years of my relationship with Trillian, we had a fake tree, following along with the whole argument that it would be a one-time purchase and would mean saving one tree a year. But that (and our Christmas lights) ended up in a landfill before I got pregnant after we found out that the plastic in those products uses lead to increase pliability. I once read somewhere that there are some fake trees made without lead, but cannot find the reference or the trees now, of course.
The tree issue had become a mostly moot point before then anyway. By that time, we had established a pattern of visiting my in-laws for a week around Christmas, so we simply enjoyed whatever tree they had. It didn't take away all of my anxiety over the kill-a-tree vs. purchase-a-plastic-monstrosity debate. But at least I didn't have to accept responsibility for the decision.
The Christmas before Scooter was born, however, we hosted family for the celebrations since I was starting my third trimester and couldn't fly. There was no way to get by without a tree. Trillian talked me into a cut tree. I could justify it because it was a farmed tree, grown specifically for the purpose. Plus, our county would pick the tree up after Christmas and use it to create mulch for local projects (and that residents could purchase for fairly cheap).
We have thought about a live tree from time-to-time, but there's always been a reason against it. Most years there was the problem that we would be away and unable to water it for too long. Or we didn't have a place to plant it after the holidays when we were living in rental properties. When we had a cat, we knew from experience that she would use it as a litter-box. And now we're back to the whole rental property, nowhere to put it problem.
Even though we're headed down to the States for the last third of December, we contemplated getting a tree this year. But that brought me back to the above debate. I nearly caved when we went to the grocery store last week and walked by the cut trees. The scent of fresh trees was so wonderful. But I chose my usual way out--no tree. Scooter is enjoying the trees that are up around the city--there's a giant one not too far from us with excellent lights. And Grandma and Grandpa will have a beautiful tree at their place. So we'll have plenty of Christmas cheer.
Of course, it still doesn't settle things for the long-term. In my fantasies for the future--that perfect house we'll find in our favorite part of the country (the US, that is)--there's a large evergreen out front that we'll decorate each year with bird-seed ornaments. There will also be something indoors, that we can use to display our favorite ornaments, though I haven't quite figured that one out yet.
Anyone got this one figured out?
In the early years of my relationship with Trillian, we had a fake tree, following along with the whole argument that it would be a one-time purchase and would mean saving one tree a year. But that (and our Christmas lights) ended up in a landfill before I got pregnant after we found out that the plastic in those products uses lead to increase pliability. I once read somewhere that there are some fake trees made without lead, but cannot find the reference or the trees now, of course.
The tree issue had become a mostly moot point before then anyway. By that time, we had established a pattern of visiting my in-laws for a week around Christmas, so we simply enjoyed whatever tree they had. It didn't take away all of my anxiety over the kill-a-tree vs. purchase-a-plastic-monstrosity debate. But at least I didn't have to accept responsibility for the decision.
The Christmas before Scooter was born, however, we hosted family for the celebrations since I was starting my third trimester and couldn't fly. There was no way to get by without a tree. Trillian talked me into a cut tree. I could justify it because it was a farmed tree, grown specifically for the purpose. Plus, our county would pick the tree up after Christmas and use it to create mulch for local projects (and that residents could purchase for fairly cheap).
We have thought about a live tree from time-to-time, but there's always been a reason against it. Most years there was the problem that we would be away and unable to water it for too long. Or we didn't have a place to plant it after the holidays when we were living in rental properties. When we had a cat, we knew from experience that she would use it as a litter-box. And now we're back to the whole rental property, nowhere to put it problem.
Even though we're headed down to the States for the last third of December, we contemplated getting a tree this year. But that brought me back to the above debate. I nearly caved when we went to the grocery store last week and walked by the cut trees. The scent of fresh trees was so wonderful. But I chose my usual way out--no tree. Scooter is enjoying the trees that are up around the city--there's a giant one not too far from us with excellent lights. And Grandma and Grandpa will have a beautiful tree at their place. So we'll have plenty of Christmas cheer.
Of course, it still doesn't settle things for the long-term. In my fantasies for the future--that perfect house we'll find in our favorite part of the country (the US, that is)--there's a large evergreen out front that we'll decorate each year with bird-seed ornaments. There will also be something indoors, that we can use to display our favorite ornaments, though I haven't quite figured that one out yet.
Anyone got this one figured out?
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Scooter's staying home from school, so it must be Tuesday
We've fallen into a problematic pattern. For all but one of the past 4 or 5 Tuesdays, Scooter has stayed at home with some degree of illness. The one time he went, which happens to have been last week, he threw a royal fit about going and was in a rotten mood the whole time. When he has stayed home, it's been fairly legitimate--today, he was coughing again, had a runny nose, and was running a low-grade fever (but his hands and feet felt hotter than normal too).
I figure that part of this is the cycle of the week. While we have fun on the weekend, our activities are not as (over-)stimulating or exhausting as school, so Scooter has a chance to recover a bit. By Monday, he's ready to head to school. But then all of the activity and excitement wears him down so that he gets grumpy and any minor physical complaints are aggravated. So Tuesday is difficult. We then usually make it through the rest of the week just fine.
Since his recent stays at home have coincided with Trillian's low recovery from pneumonia, my Tuesdays have developed a new schedule: stay home a little longer than usual, head off to campus in time for my office hour, wait for no students to show up, run home for lunch and to get Scooter down for a nap, back up to campus for class, and a final trip home. It sure keeps me going!
On the plus side, even if this pattern continues, I only have one more Tuesday with this combination of office hour and class, so I won't have to keep up this crazy schedule.
In other news, I presented the research I've done so far for my seminar paper. It feels good to get that out of the way! The trick now is not to bask too long in that feeling since I still need to write the paper itself.
Little steps to the end of another semester!
I figure that part of this is the cycle of the week. While we have fun on the weekend, our activities are not as (over-)stimulating or exhausting as school, so Scooter has a chance to recover a bit. By Monday, he's ready to head to school. But then all of the activity and excitement wears him down so that he gets grumpy and any minor physical complaints are aggravated. So Tuesday is difficult. We then usually make it through the rest of the week just fine.
Since his recent stays at home have coincided with Trillian's low recovery from pneumonia, my Tuesdays have developed a new schedule: stay home a little longer than usual, head off to campus in time for my office hour, wait for no students to show up, run home for lunch and to get Scooter down for a nap, back up to campus for class, and a final trip home. It sure keeps me going!
On the plus side, even if this pattern continues, I only have one more Tuesday with this combination of office hour and class, so I won't have to keep up this crazy schedule.
In other news, I presented the research I've done so far for my seminar paper. It feels good to get that out of the way! The trick now is not to bask too long in that feeling since I still need to write the paper itself.
Little steps to the end of another semester!
Monday, November 27, 2006
Just a quick blog and run
I had no intention of blogging until tomorrow night, as the presentation is not quite done (and will be by then, for better or worse). But...
1) My first post went up over at Mommy Blogs Toronto. I didn't know it would be the next in rotation, so it was a fun surprise to find my words staring back at me when I clicked over from my Bloglines. Go check it out--not just for my post, but for everyone's. I'm just amazed (and so very happy) that there are so many interesting, intelligent women in Toronto who were my virtual acquaintances first. And even if you're not local, the posts are worth a read!
2) I made the mistake of reading more on the breastfeeding ruckus during one of the breaks I allowed myself. The problem was not the original post but, as usual, many of the comments that followed. More anger and frustration (how can these people not agree with my stance when it is obviously right--this is one place where I really can't step back and try to see it from the other side).
That is all for now. I'll attempt something resembling a real post tomorrow.
1) My first post went up over at Mommy Blogs Toronto. I didn't know it would be the next in rotation, so it was a fun surprise to find my words staring back at me when I clicked over from my Bloglines. Go check it out--not just for my post, but for everyone's. I'm just amazed (and so very happy) that there are so many interesting, intelligent women in Toronto who were my virtual acquaintances first. And even if you're not local, the posts are worth a read!
2) I made the mistake of reading more on the breastfeeding ruckus during one of the breaks I allowed myself. The problem was not the original post but, as usual, many of the comments that followed. More anger and frustration (how can these people not agree with my stance when it is obviously right--this is one place where I really can't step back and try to see it from the other side).
That is all for now. I'll attempt something resembling a real post tomorrow.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Making my excuses
I imagine that the next few days (maybe up to a week) will be light posting days. I have a seminar presentation to give next week and need to write the term exam for the class I'm teaching. I just know that if I get started on some of the topics I want to write about, I'll be here for an hour or so--and the big girl in me knows that's not an appropriate use of my time right now.
So no worries. I've not fallen off the edge of the world. I'm not shutting down here. Just trying to be responsible. As much as that's killing me.
So no worries. I've not fallen off the edge of the world. I'm not shutting down here. Just trying to be responsible. As much as that's killing me.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
I swear, this is not becoming a food blog
But, seriously. Thanksgiving. And the meal was amazing! So you'll have to bear with me for another account of a meal.
Originally, we had thought about inviting all of the US students in my department over here (with a few Brits to boot), but Trillian's pneumonia meant we didn't have a chance to get that organized. So it was just going to be the three of us. It was a fairly traditional Thanksgiving for us, a la Trillian's family recipes.
There was, of course, turkey. We roasted just a small turkey breast, basting frequently with butter. It browned up nicely and stayed moist.
But really, for both Trillian and me, the day is about the sides. In the order we prepared them:
1. Dressing. A recipe from one of Trillian's grandmothers. A whole loaf of white bread plus some cornbread, mixed up with broth, celery, onion, and eggs. Enough to fill a 13 x 9 pan. It browns a little bit on top and is absolutely delicious.
2. Green bean casserole. Nothing fancy, but my favorite. Canned green beans, cream of mushroom soup, a little milk, and some French's onions--it's pretty much the recipe on the onions can, but I improvise amounts. It's creamy and quite tasty.
3. Sweet potato casserole. This could practically be dessert. Mashed sweet potatoes mixed with sugar, milk, eggs, and some spices. Once this has cooked for a bit, the topping is spread on top: butter, crushed cornflakes, brown sugar, and pecans. Another 10 minutes, the brown sugar melts and the topping gets crunchy. When I ate my dinner, I mixed in a little of my homemade cranberry sauce--perfect contrast of sweet and tart.
I used a powdered gravy, but it was an organic one I got from Whole Foods and lacked any chemical taste.
Dessert, of course, was pumpkin pie with some real whipped cream.
We managed to forget to heat up the brown-and-serve rolls, but those can be for tomorrow since we have plenty of leftovers.
* * * * * * *
Now, we didn't do the traditional saying of what we're thankful for at the dinner table, but it's something that has been on our minds lately. Not too long ago, Trillian and I found out about a site through the Daily Dose at Club Mom. Amalah linked to Atomictumor. Usually a husband and wife (and some other friends, I think) contributed to the site, but it had become a bit of a virtual vigil. The wife had mysteriously fallen ill and her husband was using the site to deal with his emotions.
I use the past tense, because things took a sudden and unexpected turn on November 17th. The husband is now a single father of 2 boys.
My wife has been following the site more closely than I and also has conversed with him via email. Today, we bought some Leafs gear to send down to the family (he has family from the Toronto area, so it's appropriate). It's a small gesture, reaching out to someone in such a bad place right now.
And so I am thankful for my wife. That she is recovering from pneumonia; as slowly as it's happening, it is happening. That she and I have been able to enjoy time together the past couple days; we did our food shopping together yesterday and went out again today. I am aware of how thankful I am to have these moments.
Originally, we had thought about inviting all of the US students in my department over here (with a few Brits to boot), but Trillian's pneumonia meant we didn't have a chance to get that organized. So it was just going to be the three of us. It was a fairly traditional Thanksgiving for us, a la Trillian's family recipes.
There was, of course, turkey. We roasted just a small turkey breast, basting frequently with butter. It browned up nicely and stayed moist.
But really, for both Trillian and me, the day is about the sides. In the order we prepared them:
1. Dressing. A recipe from one of Trillian's grandmothers. A whole loaf of white bread plus some cornbread, mixed up with broth, celery, onion, and eggs. Enough to fill a 13 x 9 pan. It browns a little bit on top and is absolutely delicious.
2. Green bean casserole. Nothing fancy, but my favorite. Canned green beans, cream of mushroom soup, a little milk, and some French's onions--it's pretty much the recipe on the onions can, but I improvise amounts. It's creamy and quite tasty.
3. Sweet potato casserole. This could practically be dessert. Mashed sweet potatoes mixed with sugar, milk, eggs, and some spices. Once this has cooked for a bit, the topping is spread on top: butter, crushed cornflakes, brown sugar, and pecans. Another 10 minutes, the brown sugar melts and the topping gets crunchy. When I ate my dinner, I mixed in a little of my homemade cranberry sauce--perfect contrast of sweet and tart.
I used a powdered gravy, but it was an organic one I got from Whole Foods and lacked any chemical taste.
Dessert, of course, was pumpkin pie with some real whipped cream.
We managed to forget to heat up the brown-and-serve rolls, but those can be for tomorrow since we have plenty of leftovers.
* * * * * * *
Now, we didn't do the traditional saying of what we're thankful for at the dinner table, but it's something that has been on our minds lately. Not too long ago, Trillian and I found out about a site through the Daily Dose at Club Mom. Amalah linked to Atomictumor. Usually a husband and wife (and some other friends, I think) contributed to the site, but it had become a bit of a virtual vigil. The wife had mysteriously fallen ill and her husband was using the site to deal with his emotions.
I use the past tense, because things took a sudden and unexpected turn on November 17th. The husband is now a single father of 2 boys.
My wife has been following the site more closely than I and also has conversed with him via email. Today, we bought some Leafs gear to send down to the family (he has family from the Toronto area, so it's appropriate). It's a small gesture, reaching out to someone in such a bad place right now.
And so I am thankful for my wife. That she is recovering from pneumonia; as slowly as it's happening, it is happening. That she and I have been able to enjoy time together the past couple days; we did our food shopping together yesterday and went out again today. I am aware of how thankful I am to have these moments.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Silver lining
I spent the past two weeks ambivalent about what I wanted more: to be pregnant or to have the two month break I'd decided to take. Despite the turmoil of the inner dialogue, I discovered something yesterday morning.
I really wanted to be pregnant.
But now that I will be taking two months off from the baby dance and all of the complications it brings into my life,* I've decided to look at all of the positives of this situation. Consider it practice for (US) Thanksgiving tomorrow.
I am thankful that taking a break from trying to get pregnant means:
1. I will be able to focus more of my mental and physical energies on the end of my semester. This is traditionally a busy time for me anyway, and right now I need to think about preparing my presentation for next week, writing my paper for December, and studying for my exam in January. Not to mention the extra work that comes with teaching and giving an exam.
2. I also gain many hours back to put towards my work since I won't be spending 6 hours or so a couple times a month driving to the clinic and back.
3. I can focus on improving my health, at least a little. I've decided to engage in some form of exercise every day--something I wasn't doing, because of the concern I might be pregnant or might soon be pregnant (plus all of the craziness in our household lately made it easy not to find the time). Since I'll have about 10 weeks before my next try, that gives me plenty of time to establish new workout habits which I should be able to continue into pregnancy.
4. I can also make a concerted effort to eat better, especially appropriate amounts of unprocessed fruits and vegetables and as little refined sugar as I can manage. While it would be nice to lose some weight in the process of following through on #3 and 4, more important to me is feeling good. I've been successful with this in the past, but too often let these go when busy and stressed (which turns into that awful cycle of making less of an effort to workout and eat well since I don't have the energy, leading to feeling worse, leading to further slack off).
5. I might be able to present at a conference in May. I had mentally written it off before since I expected to be in my third trimester by May and knew we would need to fly to make the trip. Even if I were to manage to get pregnant on my first attempt after the break, I would only be around 20 or 22 weeks pregnant at conference time.
6. I can apply to teach for the entire summer term. My supervisor has suggested I apply, specifically to teach the full version of the course I'm doing right now (which is only the first half of a year-long course). If I were already pregnant, I would be due in the middle to the end of the course. While I did teach when I was pregnant with Scooter until a week before my due date, and stopped then only because it was Spring Break, I'm not sure I'll want to do that again.
7. We might be able to fit in the family reunion that's being planned for August. I might not be able to fly at that point (though I think that would be the case only if I got pregnant in January), but it would be easy to drive. If I had gotten pregnant on my previous cycle, the baby would have been due right on the weekend the reunion's been scheduled.
8. My next child will not be born in August. The month is a bit of an emotional minefield for my family, especially my mother. My parents' wedding anniversary and my father's birthday were both in August,** and my mother's very fragile around those days. There are already issues about her relationship--or lack thereof--with my son, so I'd rather avoid adding another dimension. The two month break also means I'll avoid giving birth on or around her birthday.
9. We will have time to finish getting the master bedroom arranged to share with a baby. We've decided that this will work best for us with our current floorplan and what worked with Scooter. But we haven't put the crib back together yet and have some heavy furniture to shift. Since I'm the handy one and the crib requires getting into some awkward positions to tighten bolts, it will be best to get this done while I have no physical restrictions.
So a whole range of reasons. And I didn't have to think for too long to come up with any of them.
I imagine I'll be rereading this list throughout the next two months to remind me of what I'm gaining by taking some time for myself. But I can guarantee that when this break is over, I'll be ready to start the baby dance all over again.
*I've been meaning to write about what this entails for me and my family in an average month.
**If anyone from my family reads this and has not figured out who this is yet, this ought to give it away.
I really wanted to be pregnant.
But now that I will be taking two months off from the baby dance and all of the complications it brings into my life,* I've decided to look at all of the positives of this situation. Consider it practice for (US) Thanksgiving tomorrow.
I am thankful that taking a break from trying to get pregnant means:
1. I will be able to focus more of my mental and physical energies on the end of my semester. This is traditionally a busy time for me anyway, and right now I need to think about preparing my presentation for next week, writing my paper for December, and studying for my exam in January. Not to mention the extra work that comes with teaching and giving an exam.
2. I also gain many hours back to put towards my work since I won't be spending 6 hours or so a couple times a month driving to the clinic and back.
3. I can focus on improving my health, at least a little. I've decided to engage in some form of exercise every day--something I wasn't doing, because of the concern I might be pregnant or might soon be pregnant (plus all of the craziness in our household lately made it easy not to find the time). Since I'll have about 10 weeks before my next try, that gives me plenty of time to establish new workout habits which I should be able to continue into pregnancy.
4. I can also make a concerted effort to eat better, especially appropriate amounts of unprocessed fruits and vegetables and as little refined sugar as I can manage. While it would be nice to lose some weight in the process of following through on #3 and 4, more important to me is feeling good. I've been successful with this in the past, but too often let these go when busy and stressed (which turns into that awful cycle of making less of an effort to workout and eat well since I don't have the energy, leading to feeling worse, leading to further slack off).
5. I might be able to present at a conference in May. I had mentally written it off before since I expected to be in my third trimester by May and knew we would need to fly to make the trip. Even if I were to manage to get pregnant on my first attempt after the break, I would only be around 20 or 22 weeks pregnant at conference time.
6. I can apply to teach for the entire summer term. My supervisor has suggested I apply, specifically to teach the full version of the course I'm doing right now (which is only the first half of a year-long course). If I were already pregnant, I would be due in the middle to the end of the course. While I did teach when I was pregnant with Scooter until a week before my due date, and stopped then only because it was Spring Break, I'm not sure I'll want to do that again.
7. We might be able to fit in the family reunion that's being planned for August. I might not be able to fly at that point (though I think that would be the case only if I got pregnant in January), but it would be easy to drive. If I had gotten pregnant on my previous cycle, the baby would have been due right on the weekend the reunion's been scheduled.
8. My next child will not be born in August. The month is a bit of an emotional minefield for my family, especially my mother. My parents' wedding anniversary and my father's birthday were both in August,** and my mother's very fragile around those days. There are already issues about her relationship--or lack thereof--with my son, so I'd rather avoid adding another dimension. The two month break also means I'll avoid giving birth on or around her birthday.
9. We will have time to finish getting the master bedroom arranged to share with a baby. We've decided that this will work best for us with our current floorplan and what worked with Scooter. But we haven't put the crib back together yet and have some heavy furniture to shift. Since I'm the handy one and the crib requires getting into some awkward positions to tighten bolts, it will be best to get this done while I have no physical restrictions.
So a whole range of reasons. And I didn't have to think for too long to come up with any of them.
I imagine I'll be rereading this list throughout the next two months to remind me of what I'm gaining by taking some time for myself. But I can guarantee that when this break is over, I'll be ready to start the baby dance all over again.
*I've been meaning to write about what this entails for me and my family in an average month.
**If anyone from my family reads this and has not figured out who this is yet, this ought to give it away.
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