Saturday, December 13, 2008

When is it not enough?

In almost area, we're a really great match. People pick up on this; I can't count the number of times someone has said we're perfect for each other.

Maybe this is why the one area that doesn't work for us is such a problem. Maybe this is why it seems likely to be the one thing that will drive us apart.

Without going into details, but still making my point, it would be an understatement to say that we have incompatible libidos. Hell, we're two women who have lived together for years and our cycles have almost never synched up.

It seems ridiculous that this could cause as much trouble as it does. There's been no cheating, no grand betrayals, not even little secrets. If we could just leave sex out of it, everything would be fine.

But it just doesn't seem to work that way. So instead there's a lot of latent (and not-so-latent) anger and frustration that finds its way out every once in a while. Occasionally we talk of separation or sanctioned cheating or maybe vow to improve things. And then it gets dropped until we hit another crisis point.

I'm sleeping on the couch tonight and am not sure even that is enough space.


cinnamon gurl said...

Oh that sucks.

I know exactly what you mean about leaving sex out... For the longest time my husband and I had extremely different libidos and it caused problems a lot like you describe. In a big way. Sex became a battleground for control in our relationship. Things are a lot better now, but I don't know how it happened, exactly.

I hope things get better for you...

Sandra said...

I am one of those people who have described you two as perfect for each other.

I understand completely. In fact so many of our problems are often just a symptom of out of sync libidos. We argue over other things when really it comes down to this and it only errupts when we are least rationale to problem-solve around it.

If sex could be left out ... god life would be so so so much simpler.

Hoping things get better. Sending big supportive hugs.

Lisa b said...

I think this can be and is such an issue for so many couples.

Of course I find when the choreplay (as kgirl calls it) gets done I don't need to be fighting over things that don't matter.

just do it!

kgirl said...

Lay back and think of England?

I kid. It's true that so many marital problems stem from a perceived lack of intimacy - it has a way of poisoning aspects of a relationship that would otherwise be ok.

Hope you guys can cycle through it.

Aliki2006 said...

I hope you can find your ways through it, too. And as others have said, it seems this is a common issue among couples as well--something to work through, and it does seem as though it should be workable, given how tremendous an impasse other problems might create.

Mouse said...

A plus and a minus both is that we can have a horrific time of it one day and then the next be hanging out and laughing. So it's very easy for us to move on without resolving anything.