The first half of our day has followed our usual Sunday routine: gymnastics for Scooter (Trillian and I take a walk and get coffee while he's in class) and a trip to Whole Foods afterwards. While at Whole Foods, we did some impulse vegetable shopping--an interesting-looking graffiti eggplant and organic zucchini, ooh what about some sort of veggie sautee?--and then indulged in a couple of the marinated seafoods. Dinner plans were forming.
For the afternoon, we decided to take advantage of the gorgeous weather and headed off to the Green Living Show. We oohed and aahed over some organic cotton and bamboo clothing, picked up lots of literature, and looked over a bunch of hybrid vehicles. Scooter was especially interested in the vehicles, though more the bright red ones; he didn't have a lot of patience for his mommies' desire to look at the Toyota Highlander (verdict: we'll stick with our Corolla for a while later; two child seats will turn it into a 4-person vehicle, but that wouldn't be any different with the Highlander). Veggie dog for the boy, mini-empanadas for the wife, samples of granola and yogurt for me (not together, but that suddenly sounds yummy!). We didn't spend a very long time, as the crowd was packed together and pretty noisy. Scooter had enough and Trillian and I weren't too far behind him. And that's OK, because given more time, I just would have bought some things--which defeats that whole goal of decreased consumerism when I don't need things, even if the goods are responsibly made (and totally gorgeous).
Dinner continued the green and healthy theme of the day. We had a veggie sautee of the eggplant and zucchini we bought in the morning, plus carrots and celery. I also cooked up a batch of confetti lentils and couscous, again courtesy of Whole Foods, although it didn't maintain its color once simmered. And then some Cajun-spiced shrimp. Yummy and healthy, with leftovers for tomorrow's lunch and/or dinner.
Now to get the boy to bed and then to use my healthy high to help me pound out several more pages on my (last) paper.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Ouch!
This evening Scooter was asking for us to play with him and his cars. He wanted Trillian to play first, but it was still early enough that she was dealing with a couple work-related emails. So he came over to me. I was playing with one of his firetrucks when he leaned in for a snuggle, put his hand on my belly, and said, "There's a baby in your tummy." Trillian and I both froze for a minute, and then I gently replied, "No, sweetie, there isn't right now. It will be a while before you have a baby brother or sister." And as he went on to play with something else, I let a few tears fall and Trillian asked if I was OK.
Here's the thing: Yes, we had used that phrase with him before. Around the time I was six weeks along and he was wanting to rough-house with me, as an explanation for why I couldn't. But we didn't say it a lot and we had made a concerted effort not to talk about the pregnancy in front of him much after that. And here it is, almost two months later, more than a month after the miscarriage, and he remembers us saying that.
And the other thing: This morning, as I went to park the car after dropping Scooter off at daycare, I found myself pondering the fact that part of how I have dealt with the miscarriage is to deny that I was fully pregnant. And I had a moment where I realized that, in a technical and truthful sense, I have been pregnant twice. But because I was still in the first trimester, because I never got to see the fetus move on the ultrasound, because I never heard the heartbeat, because I didn't even meet my midwife until it was time to do bloodwork to make sure my hormone levels were returning to normal, I somehow could get away with denying that it was a real pregnancy.
Not that I denied the baby's existence or the grief and loss, but that is a separate thing for me. I grieved, still grieve, for the baby girl in my dream. For my daughter-who-could-have-been. For that bit of me, the same part that believed the dream, that knows I will have a son next. A son whom I will love very much and who will be the perfect fit for our family. And I can't wait to meet him. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about her.
I suspect it's a good thing that I had my realization this morning. Little pieces falling into place, bringing me closer to whole, as much as is possible. But it still hurts.
Here's the thing: Yes, we had used that phrase with him before. Around the time I was six weeks along and he was wanting to rough-house with me, as an explanation for why I couldn't. But we didn't say it a lot and we had made a concerted effort not to talk about the pregnancy in front of him much after that. And here it is, almost two months later, more than a month after the miscarriage, and he remembers us saying that.
And the other thing: This morning, as I went to park the car after dropping Scooter off at daycare, I found myself pondering the fact that part of how I have dealt with the miscarriage is to deny that I was fully pregnant. And I had a moment where I realized that, in a technical and truthful sense, I have been pregnant twice. But because I was still in the first trimester, because I never got to see the fetus move on the ultrasound, because I never heard the heartbeat, because I didn't even meet my midwife until it was time to do bloodwork to make sure my hormone levels were returning to normal, I somehow could get away with denying that it was a real pregnancy.
Not that I denied the baby's existence or the grief and loss, but that is a separate thing for me. I grieved, still grieve, for the baby girl in my dream. For my daughter-who-could-have-been. For that bit of me, the same part that believed the dream, that knows I will have a son next. A son whom I will love very much and who will be the perfect fit for our family. And I can't wait to meet him. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about her.
I suspect it's a good thing that I had my realization this morning. Little pieces falling into place, bringing me closer to whole, as much as is possible. But it still hurts.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Global Warming Wednesday: Putting plastic on notice
A week or so ago, Trillian sent me a link to a Globe and Mail article entitled "'Inherently Toxic' chemical faces its future" (I'd link to it, but it has unfortunately been long enough that it requires paying to read now). The gist of the article: bisphenol A, a chemical found in polycarbonate and other plastics and the lining of tin cans, is an estrogen disruptor at even small levels. My reaction: minor freak out over all of the plastic in our house.
Plastic has been on my shit-list for a while anyways. I recognize that so many things in our lives are plastic or packaged in plastic that will never break down. And so, in the back of my head, there has been a little voice that urges me to have less plastic around. This goes for food storage too. I had even heard about bisphenol A leaking into the things it comes in contact with, so I'd mostly stopped using my Nalgene bottle. But I hadn't known it's used in the lining of tin cans and hadn't thought about just how pervasive it might be.
So I poked around a bit. Again, not exactly high level research (yes, a lot of it is Wikipedia, so I know there's a chance of faulty information), but enough to get somewhere between total freak out and action plan. Here's some of what I found:
As a result of this panic, our action this month falls somewhere between personal health action and environmental action. We have quit using the plastic containers for storing our food; our bit of consumerism towards this end was to purchase a few glass food containers from Ikea.* The seals are silicone and, from what I can tell, silicone is chemically inert and does not impart anything to the food it touches. This makes sense, given that it is made from the same base as glass--and glass is used to contain solutions in scientific experiments precisely because it does not react with the chemicals inside. The containers have been really great, and we will buy a few more.
We have also gathered up all of our polycarbonate bottles and will not be using them anymore. Scooter never did like a bottle, so he didn't use them much, but we won't be keeping them for the next child (who, fingers crossed, will readily take a bottle to make up for the hellish feeding schedule we had when I went back to work when Scooter was 5 months old). For that one, we will be getting a hold of several glass bottles.
In terms of canned foods, we are now making an effort to get more things frozen or fresh--trips to farmers' markets are planned! We are also taking some other steps that will be my action for May (just getting a head start). And one thing that will be on our minds when we move and settle into a house for the long term will be garden space and a freezer (energy efficient and no bigger than we truly need, of course).
Not that all of this is figured out yet. Given what I've read about even small amounts of bisphenol A, I worry about whether or not handling items with it is a concern--or if it's just a problem to ingest the chemical. Also, I stare at this bunch of stuff we have and no longer plan on using and don't know what to do with it. I could put it on Craig's List or Freecycle, but is it fair just to pass the problem onto someone else. Similarly, most of these plastics are on the non-recyclable list, so they'd just need to go into the garbage. Where they will not biodegrade beyond releasing some of these chemicals into the surrounding area and groundwater, thus exposing more people.
See, this is why plastic is on notice!
*I have been resistant to glass in the past because I am somewhat clumsy, sharing some of the balance and movement traits with my son, the same ones that are sending him to occupational therapy. But, I've convinced myself just to be a little more careful--and to accept that things will break on occasion.
Plastic has been on my shit-list for a while anyways. I recognize that so many things in our lives are plastic or packaged in plastic that will never break down. And so, in the back of my head, there has been a little voice that urges me to have less plastic around. This goes for food storage too. I had even heard about bisphenol A leaking into the things it comes in contact with, so I'd mostly stopped using my Nalgene bottle. But I hadn't known it's used in the lining of tin cans and hadn't thought about just how pervasive it might be.
So I poked around a bit. Again, not exactly high level research (yes, a lot of it is Wikipedia, so I know there's a chance of faulty information), but enough to get somewhere between total freak out and action plan. Here's some of what I found:
- Bisphenol A is primarily in plastics labelled #7.
- #7 stands for "other," so the number is not entirely helpful.
- Melamine is also a #7. Yes, the stuff that has caused the pet food recall.
- More accurately, this is melamine resin, which is made of melamine and formaldehyde. (Just gets better and better, huh?)
- No idea if there's any bisphenol A in these products (e.g., my son's many character plates). But then again, I'm not sure it's absence would make things any better.
- As far as I can tell from brief searches on the various types of plastic, #2 and #5 are the least harmful, from a human health perspective.
As a result of this panic, our action this month falls somewhere between personal health action and environmental action. We have quit using the plastic containers for storing our food; our bit of consumerism towards this end was to purchase a few glass food containers from Ikea.* The seals are silicone and, from what I can tell, silicone is chemically inert and does not impart anything to the food it touches. This makes sense, given that it is made from the same base as glass--and glass is used to contain solutions in scientific experiments precisely because it does not react with the chemicals inside. The containers have been really great, and we will buy a few more.
We have also gathered up all of our polycarbonate bottles and will not be using them anymore. Scooter never did like a bottle, so he didn't use them much, but we won't be keeping them for the next child (who, fingers crossed, will readily take a bottle to make up for the hellish feeding schedule we had when I went back to work when Scooter was 5 months old). For that one, we will be getting a hold of several glass bottles.
In terms of canned foods, we are now making an effort to get more things frozen or fresh--trips to farmers' markets are planned! We are also taking some other steps that will be my action for May (just getting a head start). And one thing that will be on our minds when we move and settle into a house for the long term will be garden space and a freezer (energy efficient and no bigger than we truly need, of course).
Not that all of this is figured out yet. Given what I've read about even small amounts of bisphenol A, I worry about whether or not handling items with it is a concern--or if it's just a problem to ingest the chemical. Also, I stare at this bunch of stuff we have and no longer plan on using and don't know what to do with it. I could put it on Craig's List or Freecycle, but is it fair just to pass the problem onto someone else. Similarly, most of these plastics are on the non-recyclable list, so they'd just need to go into the garbage. Where they will not biodegrade beyond releasing some of these chemicals into the surrounding area and groundwater, thus exposing more people.
See, this is why plastic is on notice!
*I have been resistant to glass in the past because I am somewhat clumsy, sharing some of the balance and movement traits with my son, the same ones that are sending him to occupational therapy. But, I've convinced myself just to be a little more careful--and to accept that things will break on occasion.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Age is a relative thing
There are many things I want to write, but my mind is so consumed by details of my paper that I don't have the attention span to write a sustained post... plus I feel guilty when I take more than 15 minutes or so from my studies. So you get another anecdote.
Walking with Scooter back to the car after daycare today. We had stopped by my department to hang out for a while (Trillian had an important work-related phone call, so I wanted to keep him out for a bit). He wanted to go to the room where we usually have departmental parties and was disappointed that nobody was there.
Scooter: I want a party.
Mouse: Well, we can go home now and have a little party there.
S: Maybe it's my birthday.
M: No, you already had your birthday this year. But it will be [Trillian]'s birthday soon.
S: Oh! She'll be five-years-old. (Looks at fingers and checks before holding up all five fingers.)
M: OK, you think she's five?
S: Yes. I'm four and she's five. And then it's your birthday and [Mouse] is 10-years-old.
M: Well, yes it will be my birthday soon after [Trillian]'s. You think I'm twice as old as [Trillian]?
S: Yes. I'm four. [Trillian]'s five. And [Mouse] is ten.
For the record, I'm a couple years younger than Trillian. I prefer to think that his estimate of age is based not on looks, but because I'm almost 6 inches taller than Trillian.
Walking with Scooter back to the car after daycare today. We had stopped by my department to hang out for a while (Trillian had an important work-related phone call, so I wanted to keep him out for a bit). He wanted to go to the room where we usually have departmental parties and was disappointed that nobody was there.
Scooter: I want a party.
Mouse: Well, we can go home now and have a little party there.
S: Maybe it's my birthday.
M: No, you already had your birthday this year. But it will be [Trillian]'s birthday soon.
S: Oh! She'll be five-years-old. (Looks at fingers and checks before holding up all five fingers.)
M: OK, you think she's five?
S: Yes. I'm four and she's five. And then it's your birthday and [Mouse] is 10-years-old.
M: Well, yes it will be my birthday soon after [Trillian]'s. You think I'm twice as old as [Trillian]?
S: Yes. I'm four. [Trillian]'s five. And [Mouse] is ten.
For the record, I'm a couple years younger than Trillian. I prefer to think that his estimate of age is based not on looks, but because I'm almost 6 inches taller than Trillian.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Why Should I Recycle?
I mentioned Why Should I Recycle? in my last Global Warming Wednesday post, so I decided to say a little bit more about the book on Earth Day-proper.
In the past three weeks, Scooter's bedtime reading has consisted of two books: Little Engines Can do BIG Things (with everyone's favorite, Thomas) and Why Should I Recycle? I'm used to Thomas being the usual bedtime reading, the same book for several nights in a row. So it was a bit of a treat that Scooter has started pulling out the recycling book frequently. And while I did buy it with the hopes of pushing environmental interests, the recent desire to read it has been entirely of his own motivation.
The book is fairly short and does not overwhelm with text. Nor is it particularly preachy, but instead uses the tagline "Why waste waste?" The pictures are cartoonish: when the narrator says her family never used to recycle, the picture is of a garbage can piled outrageously high. That's part of what holds his interest. Every time we get to the page that suggests we should take clothes, toys, and other things we no longer want to second-hand shop, I emphasize the "toys" part, hoping that some day Scooter will suggest we donate some of his excess. Hasn't worked yet.
But he is definitely more interested in recycling now. He announced to us as we came home from the zoo yesterday that a truck we saw was "a 'cycling truck, not a garbage truck." And when we got off the streetcar on Friday, he recycled the transfer (at my suggestion) in a nearby bin. I like that it's something he sees as a matter-of-fact part of life, and as he starts to notice more and more of the world around him, this book has helped to get some conversation going.
In the past three weeks, Scooter's bedtime reading has consisted of two books: Little Engines Can do BIG Things (with everyone's favorite, Thomas) and Why Should I Recycle? I'm used to Thomas being the usual bedtime reading, the same book for several nights in a row. So it was a bit of a treat that Scooter has started pulling out the recycling book frequently. And while I did buy it with the hopes of pushing environmental interests, the recent desire to read it has been entirely of his own motivation.
The book is fairly short and does not overwhelm with text. Nor is it particularly preachy, but instead uses the tagline "Why waste waste?" The pictures are cartoonish: when the narrator says her family never used to recycle, the picture is of a garbage can piled outrageously high. That's part of what holds his interest. Every time we get to the page that suggests we should take clothes, toys, and other things we no longer want to second-hand shop, I emphasize the "toys" part, hoping that some day Scooter will suggest we donate some of his excess. Hasn't worked yet.
But he is definitely more interested in recycling now. He announced to us as we came home from the zoo yesterday that a truck we saw was "a 'cycling truck, not a garbage truck." And when we got off the streetcar on Friday, he recycled the transfer (at my suggestion) in a nearby bin. I like that it's something he sees as a matter-of-fact part of life, and as he starts to notice more and more of the world around him, this book has helped to get some conversation going.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Marking time
I am in the midst of papers and exams (2 each, unless I count the one exam I will not be studying for--it's based on unseen material--and the one I'll be grading soon). I have not budgeted my time well. What's new? I'm slightly panicked about getting everything done by their various deadlines. What's new? I fully recognize that it all will get done, one way or another, for better or worse. What's new?
I also find myself marking time. Today I would be one week into my second trimester. I would have told the rest of my family, people in my department, strangers on the street. But that's an alternate history that ceased to be not quite 5 weeks ago.
Instead, I am bleeding. Again. My body, apparently still a fertility machine, is back on track. I was able to pinpoint ovulation a couple weeks ago and am back to a regular cycle.
A part of me is impatient, unable to wait until August, wanting to jump back on the TTC wagon next week. Another part knows that I should take the next few months to get my body back in shape, focus on my work and teaching this summer, time the pregnancy so it won't conflict with next year's class. The first part responds, "How fucking practical of you!"
But I will let the second part rule for a while and head back to paper #1.
I also find myself marking time. Today I would be one week into my second trimester. I would have told the rest of my family, people in my department, strangers on the street. But that's an alternate history that ceased to be not quite 5 weeks ago.
Instead, I am bleeding. Again. My body, apparently still a fertility machine, is back on track. I was able to pinpoint ovulation a couple weeks ago and am back to a regular cycle.
A part of me is impatient, unable to wait until August, wanting to jump back on the TTC wagon next week. Another part knows that I should take the next few months to get my body back in shape, focus on my work and teaching this summer, time the pregnancy so it won't conflict with next year's class. The first part responds, "How fucking practical of you!"
But I will let the second part rule for a while and head back to paper #1.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Global Warming Wednesday: Happy Earth Day!
(Another short post, as I am drowning in school work--likely silence afterwards until I get one of these papers done.)
This Sunday, April 22nd, is Earth Day. The first one was back in 1970, conceived of as an opportunity to educate the public on environmental issues.
I wasn't around for the first one, but I do remember its 20th anniversary and the national (and apparently global) attention given to it. The focus of Earth Day 1990 was to encourage increased recycling efforts. For me, it was significant because I was on a biology field trip at that time, one that was paid for in large part by the proceeds of our recycling project. I felt very in tune with the environmental movement!
I'm not feeling that same love this year. Here in Toronto, the city is being encouraged to take part in the "20-Minute Toronto Makeover" and "Mayor David Miller's Community Clean-Up," basically opportunities for cleaning up litter. I understand the (superficial) logic behind this: beautifying the city = beautifying the earth. But, I think these activities miss the broader point. Various businesses are acting as pick up locations for the plastic bags and plastic gloves people can get for free. All of the litter is being collected in these bags and will still go to the landfill (although people are encouraged to recycle what they can, if they can). While the streets and parks may be a little cleaner as a result--and I am all for that--the events don't appear to make any effort to educate participants on how to lessen their impact. Recycling gets a slight mention, but there is nothing on reducing or reusing. Picking up litter, something I have been known to do, is something I see as more an issue of public courtesy than environmentalism.
I do not mark Earth Day with quite the same enthusiasm these days as in 1990, but that is due to some extent to the fact that I try to keep the enviroment in mind all year long. Nonetheless, we've had frequent readings of our book on "Why Should I Recycle" in the past week or so and are quite happy that Scooter is enjoying the book so much. Passing on the torch...
This Sunday, April 22nd, is Earth Day. The first one was back in 1970, conceived of as an opportunity to educate the public on environmental issues.
I wasn't around for the first one, but I do remember its 20th anniversary and the national (and apparently global) attention given to it. The focus of Earth Day 1990 was to encourage increased recycling efforts. For me, it was significant because I was on a biology field trip at that time, one that was paid for in large part by the proceeds of our recycling project. I felt very in tune with the environmental movement!
I'm not feeling that same love this year. Here in Toronto, the city is being encouraged to take part in the "20-Minute Toronto Makeover" and "Mayor David Miller's Community Clean-Up," basically opportunities for cleaning up litter. I understand the (superficial) logic behind this: beautifying the city = beautifying the earth. But, I think these activities miss the broader point. Various businesses are acting as pick up locations for the plastic bags and plastic gloves people can get for free. All of the litter is being collected in these bags and will still go to the landfill (although people are encouraged to recycle what they can, if they can). While the streets and parks may be a little cleaner as a result--and I am all for that--the events don't appear to make any effort to educate participants on how to lessen their impact. Recycling gets a slight mention, but there is nothing on reducing or reusing. Picking up litter, something I have been known to do, is something I see as more an issue of public courtesy than environmentalism.
I do not mark Earth Day with quite the same enthusiasm these days as in 1990, but that is due to some extent to the fact that I try to keep the enviroment in mind all year long. Nonetheless, we've had frequent readings of our book on "Why Should I Recycle" in the past week or so and are quite happy that Scooter is enjoying the book so much. Passing on the torch...
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