When one step forward feels like two steps back.

Potty training is taking a while with our son. For the longest time, he simply had no interest or concern about being wet or dirty. Over the summer, peeing has fallen into place, and now our focus is on the poop. Just in the past couple weeks, he has decided he doesn't like being dirty and must get out of his crap-pants immediately. This week he has even made it to the bathroom by himself and taken care of business. It's a huge step forward, but we have a tendency to forget that since it often involves us searching for the discarded crap-pants and trying to assess the extent to which the shit has spread.

My relationship with my wife is at a similar point. We're into our second decade together and considered by most friends and family as having a wonderful partnership. But the last year has been hell on both of us. This is the most seriously I can ever remember us discussing the possible dissolution of our marriage. And yet, when I can remove myself from the middle of the situation and look at it calmly, I realize that this is because we've finally started addressing the issues between us, including things that have lain dormant for going on ten years now. It's painful, because we're digging through ten years of scar tissue. But it really says something that we're pushing on and can both honestly still say that we want to be together. It's a huge step forward that neither one of us simply decided to cut her losses and run.

I am...

Note: This is an exercise I did with advisees when I was a teacher; I got it from some advisor activity book. The idea was for students to take the phrase "I am..." and complete it for themselves as many times as possible in a minute. Then they would share (or not) their entries with the group. In this way, they would be able to see how much they had in common with other students, as well as pick out the qualities that made them unique. It never worked incredibly well with cynical teens, but I continue to think that it's an interesting exercise. So I figured I'd try it as a way to introduce myself, though I'm allowing myself more than a minute.

I am...

• a lesbian
• a mother
• a wife (in Canada, if not in the US)
• a woman
• a feminist
• liberal
• very liberal
• pretty much a socialist, really
• smart, intelligent, bright
• funny, in an understated way
• creative, especially with little arts and crafts projects
  
• well-educated
• well-educated about the various trains that live on the Island of Sodor
• someone who watches more TV than she would like
• someone who lets her kid watch more TV than she would like
• someone who despises most reality TV
• angered by and afraid of the Bush administration
• bad at keeping plants alive
• good at keeping pets alive (although we are without any right now)
• nurturing
• kind
• sensitive
• easily hurt by criticism, even when it's not directed at me
• prone to taking things way too personally
• a fan of fountain pens
• an avid reader of science fiction and fantasy
• procrastinating, instead of working on that paper...